hate.

I haven't been very consistent with posting lately. Maybe it's due to the lack of strong emotion that can be channeled into something productive.

Right now I'm feeling some strong emotion, which is directed toward a teacher I don't like.

I don't like her. I don't like her class. I don't like her political jabs or that she assumes I'm a Republican. I don't like the test that I'm studying for which is 120 questions. I hate that I'm memorizing the difference between a balloon tab valance and an upholstered cornice. I hate that I'm hating.

It's interior design! I've never even had a real class that the teacher was this ridiculous! Yes, those sentences did both deserve an exclamation point. I'm usually more careful with emotional punctuation, but it's warranted, because I'm feeling very emotional right now.

And the fact that my computer and the stupid library internet keeps. quitting. is making me want to get up and throw something.

I'm really frustrated.

I usually can write a lot when I'm angry or heartbroken or upset in some other negative way. It gives me somewhere to put that horrible energy coursing through my blood. I just need words: enraged. fuming. {I really was fuming a minute ago. Good thing no one was around to see my face get all red and hot. Plus I started hitting the keyboard. Quite mature.} insane. almost foaming at the mouth.

Okay, now you've seen me go from a balloon ready to explode to just a dramatic nutcase. Writing can deflate the balloon in my chest. Yoga helps, but only when there's a tiny glimmer of sanity still left in me to remember that there's actually a mature way to calm down. Sometimes I yell. Once in a while {okay okay, a lot of the while} I cry.

Note for next time: maybe do the deflation exercise with a pen and paper. A ruined notebook only costs $2 to replace.

***