This is who I want to be when I grow up

I've been in a cave the last few days.

A figurative cave; the kind I can wrap myself in to hide from my own thoughts and fears,
but I'm back now.

I'm back because of the inspiration I found in a little sister of mine who is not afraid to be herself, and who is constantly surprising me.

{big} little sister. more than fun...a riot. decisive. a closet writer. not a night or morning person. quiet and observant {...in public only}. a musician. creative and innovative.
leah.

I was thinking a lot about our relationship, and a part in The Secret Life of Bees came to mind. August is describing her the relationship of her twin sisters, May and April. She says that they were deeply connected, as if their souls were intertwined. When one felt physical or emotional pain, it hurt the other. They loved and cried as one, as deeply as anyone could.

Our souls may not be one, we may be complete opposites in fact. But I've never felt so connected to anyone as much as I have with this girl.


Leah is lovely. I went home last weekend to scream and cheer for her in Junior Miss where she got first runner up -
hello rockstar.


I want to be as tall and gorgeous and graceful and smart as this beauty when I grow up.

I wish she would still have sleepovers in my room when I'm home,
and I wish she wouldn't fall asleep when we stay up to watch movies,
and I wish she would let me follow her around in her glamorous life as a rockstar,
and I wish she didn't have a touch-screen phone so she would text me once in a while,
and I wish she wasn't so busy {practically signing autographs} so she could hang around more often...

Hey Leah,

Remember when we used to lie on the floor and imagine what the splotches and speckles created on our ceiling? We rolled around laughing at the things we came up with.
Remember when we weren't too cool to play with Barbies?
Remember how I was always a head taller than you until you had that growth spurt one year and then you never stopped growing?
Remember how I've always done whatever I can to protect your sweetness being corrupted by the world? Even if it meant keeping you from listening to Avril and Ashlee Simpson...
Remember how you grew up so much when we were in high school and I realized that I'd always have a best friend in my sister?


Some things I may {or may not} have mentioned.
She speaks music...even if she pretended not to for a few years.
She is so brave for re-learning and playing the piano in Jr. Miss.
She's the girl everyone describes when talking about their ideal self {5'11". long, beachy blonde hair. slender. smart. sweet.}
She's not older, but she's definitely wiser.
And


I love her more than life.